Precautions and Tips

• Check her full name, age, and identity through appropriate and lawful means.
• Where reasonably necessary, confirm her identity using her original Computerized National Identity Card (CNIC).
• Ensure that her age and personal details are consistent with the information provided by her family.
• Confirm that the family introducing her is genuinely connected to her.
• If there are significant differences in her name, age, or other important details, ask for a clear explanation.
• Do not rely entirely on photographs, social media profiles, or information shared through WhatsApp.
• Respect her privacy and avoid demanding unnecessary personal documents.

This is one of the most important matters to clarify before proceeding.

• Find out whether she is unmarried, divorced, or widowed.
• Ask whether she has children from a previous marriage.
• If she is divorced, verify the relevant legal documents where appropriate.
• If she is widowed, confirm the relevant circumstances and documents respectfully.
• If she was previously engaged, discuss whether that engagement has ended, if the matter could affect the proposed marriage.
• If there is any uncertainty about her current marital status, seek appropriate legal verification.

Do not assume that a divorced or widowed woman is unsuitable for marriage. The important considerations are honesty, compatibility, mutual respect, and the circumstances relevant to the proposed relationship.

• Confirm her educational qualifications if they are important to the proposed marriage.
• If she claims to hold a professional degree or licence, verify it through the relevant institution or authority when appropriate.
• Understand whether she is currently studying, employed, self-employed, or managing household responsibilities.
• If she plans to continue her education after marriage, discuss how this will be accommodated.
• If she works, understand her career goals and expectations regarding employment after marriage.

Do not assume that a woman with less education is less capable of being a good spouse. Education and qualifications are only some aspects of compatibility.

The family environment can influence married life, especially when the couple expects to live with their parents or other relatives.

• Parents: Observe whether her parents communicate respectfully and deal honestly with others.
• Family relationships: Understand the general relationships between parents, siblings, and other household members.
• Family reputation: Speak to two or three trustworthy people who have known the family for several years.
• Family expectations: Discuss what both families expect regarding the wedding, gifts, finances, and future responsibilities.
• Family disputes: If there are serious ongoing disputes that could affect the couple, understand the relevant facts without relying on rumours.
• Boundaries: Discuss how much involvement both families expect to have in the couple's personal decisions.

A family should not be judged simply because it is wealthy, poor, large, small, urban, rural, or from a particular community. Focus on conduct, honesty, and compatibility.

Character is more important than appearance or social status.

• Honesty: Does she communicate truthfully about important matters?
• Respect: Does she treat the boy, his parents, and other people with respect? The same respect should be expected from the boy.
• Communication: Can she express her opinions clearly and discuss disagreements calmly?
• Emotional maturity: Can she handle misunderstandings, disappointment, and everyday responsibilities constructively?
• Responsibility: Does she take her commitments seriously?
• Personal boundaries: Can she maintain a healthy balance between her marriage, her own identity, and her relationships with family and friends?
• Expectations: Does she have a realistic understanding of married life, including compromise and shared responsibilities?

Do not expect a woman to agree with everything the boy or his family says. Having independent opinions is not evidence of poor character.

Health matters should be handled sensitively, privately, and without discrimination.

• Encourage both the boy and the girl to discuss significant health conditions that could materially affect married life.
• If appropriate, consider premarital medical consultations and mutually agreed screening for inherited conditions or infections.
• If either person has a medical condition, discuss its implications honestly with appropriate medical guidance.
• Do not demand access to confidential medical records without consent.
• Do not rely on rumours or assumptions about fertility, physical health, or mental health.

Premarital health screening should be mutual rather than imposed only on the girl. A medical condition does not automatically make someone unsuitable for marriage.

The purpose is to determine whether both people can build a financially stable life together.

• Discuss her expectations regarding household expenses and savings.
• If she is employed, clarify how she and the boy view financial independence and shared responsibilities.
• If she intends to continue working after marriage, discuss transport, working hours, and household arrangements.
• Understand whether either family expects the other to provide financial support.
• Discuss major financial commitments or responsibilities that could affect the couple.
• Clarify whether the couple expects to live independently or contribute towards the expenses of their parents.

The boy's family should not assume that the girl must contribute her salary to the household or surrender control over her earnings. Financial arrangements should be discussed and agreed upon freely.

Just as the girl's family should protect itself against financial exploitation, the boy's family should also exercise reasonable caution.

• Be cautious if the girl's family repeatedly demands money, property, a vehicle, or expensive gifts as a condition of accepting the proposal.
• Do not make substantial financial commitments based solely on verbal promises.
• Avoid giving money to intermediaries who promise to secure a marriage or influence the other family.
• Do not share bank PINs, OTPs, blank signed cheques, or blank signed legal documents.
• If money is exchanged for a legitimate, agreed purpose, keep appropriate records.
• Discuss wedding expenses and gifts clearly before making commitments.

At the same time, do not confuse reasonable discussions about mehr, financial security, or wedding arrangements with fraud. These matters should be negotiated respectfully and in accordance with the law.

Financial expectations should be clear before the engagement.

• Agree on a realistic wedding budget.
• Discuss who will pay for the various wedding arrangements.
• Avoid making demands for dowry, cash, a car, or expensive household items.
• Do not expect the girl's family to spend beyond its financial means.
• Clarify the mehr that will be agreed upon in the Nikahnama.
• Avoid comparing wedding arrangements with those of relatives or friends.
• Ensure that neither family is pressured into borrowing money to maintain social status.

A marriage should not become a financial burden or a competition between families.

The boy and girl should have a reasonable opportunity to speak openly, respectfully, and without coercion before the engagement.

They should discuss the following matters:

• Living arrangements: Will they live separately or with the boy's parents?
• Employment: Will both be able to pursue their career plans?
• Education: Will either person need to continue studying after marriage?
• Children: What are their expectations regarding having and raising children?
• Household responsibilities: How will domestic tasks and other responsibilities be shared?
• Finances: How will expenses, savings, and major purchases be managed?
• Parents: How will they balance responsibilities towards both families?
• Privacy: What boundaries will they maintain regarding phones, friendships, and personal space?
• Conflict resolution: How will they deal with disagreements without insults, threats, or violence?
• Future plans: Are there expectations about moving abroad, changing cities, or starting a business?

A successful marriage requires cooperation from both partners. The boy should be willing to answer these questions honestly, just as the girl should.

In Pakistan, marriage often involves relationships with the extended family. It is important to discuss these expectations in advance.

• Will she be comfortable living in a joint family, or does she prefer separate accommodation?
• What level of involvement does she expect in caring for the boy's parents?
• How does she expect household responsibilities to be shared?
• Will she have reasonable privacy and independence?
• How frequently does she expect to visit or contact her parents?
• What boundaries should both families maintain in the couple's personal matters?

These discussions should be mutual. The girl should respect the boy's family, and the boy's family should respect her dignity, privacy, and relationship with her own parents.

Online information can sometimes be misleading, but it should not be used to make unfair judgments.

• Check whether the basic information shared by the girl and her family is consistent with what is known through legitimate sources.
• If there are significant contradictions in her identity or personal history, ask for clarification.
• If necessary, arrange video calls and family meetings to confirm identity.
• Do not assume that photographs, followers, clothing, or social media activity prove good or bad character.
• Do not secretly access her accounts, read private messages, or obtain personal information unlawfully.

Online research should support a fair assessment rather than become an invasion of privacy.

The boy's family should pause and investigate further if any of the following situations arise.

• Important information about identity or marital status appears deliberately concealed.
• There are serious contradictions about education, employment, or other significant facts.
• Either family repeatedly demands money or expensive gifts under pressure.
• The girl or her family insists on an immediate decision without allowing reasonable discussion.
• Someone refuses to clarify important matters that directly affect the proposed marriage.
• The family uses threats, blackmail, or emotional pressure to force acceptance.
• The boy and girl have fundamentally different expectations about children, employment, residence, or finances.
• Either person appears unwilling to enter the marriage freely.

One unexplained matter does not automatically prove fraud. Investigate credible concerns fairly and privately before making a decision.

Before the Nikah, the boy's family should make sure that the relevant legal requirements and marriage conditions are understood.

• Identity and age: Confirm that both parties meet the applicable legal requirements for marriage.
• Marital status: Verify any previous marriage or divorce where relevant.
• Mehr: Agree on the amount and whether it is prompt or deferred.
• Nikahnama: Read the relevant sections carefully before signing.
• Special conditions: Obtain legal advice about any additional lawful conditions the couple wishes to include.
• Registration: Ensure the marriage is properly registered through the applicable process.
• Copies: Keep copies of the completed marriage documents.

If either party has been married before, or if there is uncertainty about the legal status of a previous marriage, consult a qualified family-law lawyer.

A marriage should not be based on controlling the other person.

• Respect her right to express opinions and make reasonable personal decisions.
• Do not expect her to cut off contact with her parents or friends.
• Do not assume that marriage automatically requires her to stop working or studying.
• Respect her privacy and personal boundaries.
• Discuss household responsibilities instead of assuming that all domestic work belongs to her.
• Do not use money, family status, or social pressure to control her.
• Give her the freedom to accept or reject the proposal.

The same principles apply to the boy. Both partners deserve respect, dignity, and a safe environment.

The boy's family can follow this practical procedure before finalizing the proposal.

• Step 1: Initial meeting. Meet the girl and her family and discuss basic information.
• Step 2: Identity and marital status. Verify important details through appropriate sources.
• Step 3: Family background. Speak to trustworthy people who know the family and assess the general family environment.
• Step 4: Character and compatibility. Observe behaviour and discuss expectations directly with the girl.
• Step 5: Health and finances. Discuss significant matters respectfully and mutually, where relevant.
• Step 6: Future plans. Agree on residence, employment, children, finances, and family responsibilities.
• Step 7: Legal review. Understand the mehr, Nikahnama, and relevant legal requirements.
• Step 8: Final decision. Proceed only when the important facts have been checked and both individuals freely agree to the marriage.

• Use official records and trustworthy sources for verification.
• Consult the relevant Union Council or registration office for available marriage-related records.
• Refer to NADRA for identity-related services.
• Consult Pakistan Code for relevant Pakistani legislation.
• Seek advice from a qualified family-law lawyer if legal questions arise.
• Do not spread rumours or make accusations without evidence.
• Protect the girl's personal, medical, and financial information.
• Obtain consent where required before seeking confidential information.

The aim is to establish trust and compatibility, not to investigate someone as though they were guilty of wrongdoing.

Before finalizing the engagement, review these essential points.

• Identity: Her identity and important personal details have been appropriately verified.
• Marital status: Her current and previous marital circumstances have been discussed honestly.
• Character: Her honesty, behaviour, maturity, and expectations have been fairly assessed.
• Family background: The family's conduct and expectations are understood.
• Health: Significant health matters have been discussed respectfully and mutually where relevant.
• Financial expectations: Both sides understand the wedding budget, mehr, and financial responsibilities.
• Compatibility: The boy and girl have discussed their expectations about work, residence, children, and family life.
• Legal matters: The Nikahnama and applicable legal requirements are understood.
• Mutual respect: Both families are prepared to respect each other's dignity and boundaries.
• Free consent: The boy and girl both freely agree to the marriage without pressure.

The five most important principles for the boy's family are:

• Honesty: Make sure that important personal and family information is disclosed truthfully.
• Character: Focus on kindness, responsibility, respect, and emotional maturity rather than appearance or status.
• Compatibility: Determine whether both individuals share realistic expectations about married life.
• Fairness: Avoid unreasonable financial demands, intrusive investigations, and discriminatory judgments.
• Mutual consent: Ensure that both the boy and the girl genuinely want the marriage.

No amount of investigation can guarantee a perfect marriage. However, respectful conversations, reasonable verification, and careful planning can reduce misunderstandings and the risk of deception.

The most important rule is this: Do not judge a girl solely by her appearance, wealth, family status, or rumours. Judge the proposal through honesty, character, compatibility, mutual respect, and freely given consent.